Facing Old Fears Chapter 43

“Ellie!”  He stopped the horses, turning to face her.  “What is it? What?” 

Raven leapt against the side of the wagon, nosing at Ellen’s leg, concerned for her tears.

Ellen threw herself against his chest clutching at him.  “I can’t go, Eli!  Stop here.  I can’t go any farther.

“I’ve tried and tried not to think about it, but I just can’t go.  Those days with Viejo were too horrible.  I keep seeing Tia on the floor unconscious.  I wasn’t even allowed to take care of her until I’d served him his wine and bread.’  The horror came spilling, flooding out of her.    “I remember burying Tia by myself while he sat on a rock and made sure I didn’t try to escape.  I didn’t have the strength to dig a very deep hole so I settled for just covering her with dirt and piling rocks on top.  He made me leave then.  But days later I was able to sneak out with a piece of wood that I’d written her name on. And when ever I had a minute I would carry another rock to put over her.

“I close my eyes and I see his troop of men stomping through our house.  In every room beloved things were torn down and destroyed or stolen.  I tried to save a few but I was only knocked aside.  And when they weren’t hitting me they were fondling me.  I remember the nights of abuse and being afraid to breathe if something wasn’t just as he wanted it.

“I can’t go back, Eli.  I..I..I. . .

“I was trying to be positive about it and telling myself they are gone.  But it is no use…” The tears on the day she had learned to shoot the gun were nothing compared to the storm that swept over them then.  Ellen sobbed until she couldn’t catch her breath.  She gulped air and began again.

Senora della Cruz was standing beside the wagon.  “Hand her down, senor.  Hand her down.”  She held up her arms as one would take a child.  Slade lifted Ellen and put her feet on the ground while the older lady took her in her arms. Raven pushed close and Ellen buried one hand in his furry neck.

Slade jumped down beside them.  “Now, take her over there under that tree,” the lady directed.  “Sit with her on the rocks and just hold her for a little bit.  I’ll get some coffee hot and a bite to eat.  She will cry herself out and the fear will be relieved.  Take her.”  She nudged Slade’s shoulder toward the rocks. 

With Raven close beside them, Slade simply picked Ellen up in his arms and carried her to the rocks where he sat with her across his lap.  Slade held her and rocked her gently as the sobs subsided.  He continued to just hold her until she sighed deeply.

“I think I’m all right now…” she told him. “ I was just overwhelmed by all the memories.  Even the happy times were buried under the horror.”  She sighed and leaned her head against him again.

“I’m so sorry, Ellie.  I should have known, but I never guessed you were so frightened over this trip. You have always been so easy about it. You never seemed to be anxious over the things that happened to you here.   I’m so sorry.”  And Slade rocked her in his arms.

“I haven’t been, Eli. I haven’t been frightened like this since that day I was learning to shoot the shotgun.  Even being attacked by el Viejo and having to shoot him didn’t affect me this way.

“It only started the last night at the hotel.  I woke up several times with a dream of Viejo looming over me in my old home.  I never screamed when he was abusing me or threatening me… I knew it would do no good and it seemed to gratify him.  But I was still frightened.  And last night it was happening all over again.”

Slade groaned.  “Oh, my sweet.  Why didn’t you wake me?  I’m so sorry I was sleeping and not even knowing you were so upset.  I should have felt it somehow.”

“No, Eli.  Your sleeping there close to me was comforting.  Somehow I knew you were not going to let anything get close to me. If you were there it was all right.”  She managed a little grin.  “I just snuggled close.  You were very accommodating, even in your sleep.  When I wiggled closer to you, you always turned and wrapped your arms around me.

“I thought I was better in the morning but then last night it was the same.  Again in daylight, when we got on the wagon to leave I was feeling fine, no shaking or breathlessness.  But every step the horses took that feeling began to swell again.

“I’m sorry to be such a coward.” 

“No! No, no, no, sweetheart!  I’ve never thought you were a coward.” Slade protested, “You are one of the bravest people I’ve ever known.  You survived five months under el Viejo’s hand.  You took your horse and supplies out from under his nose.  You set out alone, with only a vague idea of how to get where you were going without following the road.  You kept going in spite of that storm and you made it to my yard.  Many men wouldn’t have had that kind of courage.

“Never say you are a coward!”

Ellen sighed again and sniffed the last of the tears away.  It was warm on the rock with the sun on one side and her husband’s warmth on the other.  “I know we need to go on.  I’m better now, but do you think we could pray for the next few miles and when we get there?  I’m afraid this will all happen again…”

“We will pray,” Slade told her, “and when we do get to your house I will stay beside you every step in every room in every building where ever you need to go.  I’ll be there between any ghost of Viejo and you.”

“This isn’t just my house you know, honey.”  Ellen pushed away slightly so she could look up into Slade’s face.  “This is our house.  I don’t know enough about running a ranch to do very much.  I will depend on you to do everything with the stock and management.  I can run the house; you have to make the decisions otherwise.”  She lay back against his chest again.  

“Now, let’s pray.”  And she was silent waiting for him to form the words.

“Father God, you see us here in your presence.  You know better than I do all that my Ellie has been through in this place we are going to.  You know the horror and the pain and the heartache.  I’m just asking you, Lord, to put Your Hand of protection over her. Rebuke the fear and make her know that none of those things can harm her now.  Help her not to fear anything. 

“You’ve promised to go with us through the valley and shadow of death and make us rest in green quiet pastures.  Help us both to trust You through this.  Help us to depend on You and make the decisions that need to be made. 

“Keep us in Your Will and help us to be a witness to those we are in contact with, that they can come to know You in all of Your Fullness.

“In Jesus’ name, Amen.”  Slade held her quietly for a minute resting in the presence of the Lord.

Ellen slid off his lap and knelt to hug the big dog who was doing his best to comfort her.  His presence helped to reassure her as much as Slade’s.  She knew the dog would stand between her and any stranger who threatened her.

As they made their way back to the wagon, they saw that senora della Cruz had a pot of coffee sitting on her little fire.  There was a box with cups and plates on it and the lady had just finished sprinkling sugar over fresh sliced peaches from their stores.  She had tortillas warmed and wrapped in a towel. 

“Here you are, cariña,” she addressed Ellen.  “Something warm for your tummy and something sweet to give you heart.” She came forward and put an arm around Ellen’s shoulders.  “You two sit here and share this plate of peaches.   And here,” she poured rich strong coffee into the cups, “you fix your coffee.”  There was a can of milk and the sugar bag sitting on the box with the plate.

They sat on the ground and enjoyed the sweet peaches between bites of soft tortillas and hot coffee. 

As though she knew Ellen needed to face their plans for the house and the men who had been working on the ranch for her, senora della Cruz asked questions about the house and what would need doing there and about the possibilities of stock being found and how many people they could look for. 

Talking about the every day plans and describing the house and courtyards calmed Ellen and helped all three of them to conceive a plan of action for when they arrived.  The Senora assured them that she would be able to take over the organization of the kitchen and help Ellen with whatever needed to be done to make the house comfortable for them for the few days they would need to be in residence.  That would free Ellen and Slade’s time to find out what was happening with the outside workings.

The chaos that had been circulating in Ellen’s head calmed and flowed smoothly again under the lady’s unobtrusive advice.  It seemed suddenly all that needed doing was a simple thing to accomplish.

While Ellen, under the Senora’s strict command, sat still beside the dying fire, the dishes were rinsed and replaced in their box.  Slade stomped the fire into ashes and dust and helped senora della Cruz to her padded box in the back of their wagon.  Then he lifted Ellen onto the front seat. As an additional comfort Slade lifted Raven to sit beside her pressed against her leg.

The horses had rested during their stop and moved forward willingly with Slade’s clicking tongue and slapping reins. 

A Sad and Lonely Camp Chapter 37, Part 2

The dog bounded in and out of the shadows.  It came running toward them with its tongue lolling and its teeth gleaming in the darkness.  Ellen laughed.

“It looks like some sort of ravenous beast coming out of the dark like that. Those teeth are scary! We really need to give it a name, I think’

Slade cocked an eyebrow at her.  “I think you already named it. “Ravenous Beast” suits it.  Think of the shock that head gave you last night when you touched it in the darkness.”

“Yes.  I did think it was ravenous!  And I thought it was going to eat ME at first.  But it’s a sweetheart.  We don’t need to call it ‘ravenous.’  I think we can call it ‘Raven.’ ” 

So Raven, it became and it responded immediately to the name.  Although, really, it may have been the scraps of tortilla and potato that were attracting his attention.

They wrapped themselves in their blankets and slept by the fire.  The constant breeze from the north and northwest had slackened and the desert was quiet.  Raven slept close to the fire and the couple beside him slumbered peacefully.

Ellen was happy to have the warm morning sun on her face when she awoke. Slade lay on his back with one arm flung out on the ground beside them.  He looked tired even in his sleep.  Ellen felt guilty for riding the day before while he walked after he had done so much to bury the poor woman and take care of all the animals.  She determined to walk beside the oxen herself and make him drive the wagon for a while at least.

She slid carefully out of their blankets.  The morning air, while not quite warm, was still milder than it had been on past days. The best part of the morning air was that it was still. The breeze from yesterday had died.   

Ellen put her coat on and only hung the scarf around her neck, tucking the ends inside her buttons to keep the out of the way.  She took a couple minutes to build up the fire before she went off behind the wagons for her morning toilet. 

She returned and scooped water from their barrel to wash in then began heating water in the coffee pot for Slade so he would have it warm to wash in.  She smiled to herself anticipating his surprise.  The little iron kettle hadn’t been used while they traveled since she had chosen the quicker meals of fried bacon and beans or potatoes.   Now she pulled it out and put enough water in it for some hot mush.  While it boiled she collected the scattered parts of their quick camp the night before.  By the time it boiled she had everything put away except for the plates and spoons for their breakfast and the things she was using to cook.  She knelt on the blankets beside her husband.

Bending down Ellen kissed Slade and patted his face.  He opened his eyes with a huge smile crossing his face.

“What is this?  Are you already awake?” He looked around at the straightened camp and the blazing fire with their kettle and coffee pot situated in the hot coals at the side.  “What time is it?  Why didn’t you wake me?” 

Slade sat up and wrapped his arms around Ellen as she snuggled against him. 

“I have everything under control. You looked so tired that I wanted you to rest a little longer.  But now I have everything straightened up and the water ready for mush. If you will get up, I even have warm water for you to wash your stubbly face!”  Ellen rubbed her cheek against his very prickly chin and grinned into his eyes.

‘Mmmm.” He said, “Do you suppose we could stay just a little bit longer?”  And he pretended to lay down again.

Ellen smacked his shoulder and scrambled up.  “No, move your long bones and let me fold our bed!”  She pulled the blanket off him and he was forced to get up and hurry into his coat. 

When he came back from checking the livestock she had a pan of warm water sitting on the box they used for a table and was topping off the water in the coffee pot to make coffee.  The moistened cornmeal for mush was sitting close at hand and she began stirring it into the boiling water.  As it thickened she added a bit of salt and a generous scoop of sugar. 

Slade emptied his wash pan and put it back in their wagon.  Then instead of going after the horses and oxen to hitch the wagons, he sat down close to the fire and leaned his arm on their ‘table’ watching her make their breakfast.

A jay scolded from the top of a juniper close by and down the slope a meadowlark sang from among the sagebrush.  In their little shelter provided by the wagons the sun warmed them.  It was quiet all across the wide land.  He simply sat and enjoyed the whole scene.

“Where is that dog?” He asked in surprise.                                                                          

Ellen looked up and all around.  “I don’t know.  In fact, now that you mention it, he was gone when I woke up.”  She raised her voice to call across the landscape. “Raven!  Here boy!  Raaaaven!” 

A yip answered her from quite a ways off.  “Hmph,” Slade grunted.  “Guess he’s busy with something.”  And he stretched his feet toward the fire, moving to lean his back against the box.  Ellen added coffee to the boiling pot and scooted it aside a bit from the hottest coals.  She checked the mush and stirred it a bit. 

“We’ll have to let that cook a bit more,” she told Slade and then sat down close beside him.   For a few minutes they occupied themselves the way most newly married couples would four days after their wedding.

As Ellen leaned forward to lift the mush from the coals, Raven appeared from among the sagebrush.  His tail was up and a tuft of rabbit fur clung to the corner of his mouth!  

She laughed as she saw him.  “Look Eli!  Our new dog is as good as Fetcher at feeding himself when he doesn’t have a helpless human to protect!”  Raven flopped down opposite them on the other side of the fire and licked his chops vigorously.  The tuft of fur disappeared.

When the mush had been consumed and most of the pot of coffee had disappeared, Slade got up and went to bring the horses and oxen in to hitch to the wagons.   By the time he had them ready, Ellen had everything packed back into the wagon. 

Ellen, true to her intentions, insisted in walking by the oxen while Slade rode the wagon.  “You were exhausted this morning!  I can walk beside Jacob and Esau as easily as you can.”

“Jacob and Esau!  The oxen?  What in the world?”  Slade was dumfounded. 

“I named them for the brothers in the Bible.  It says that Esau was red and hairy.  Look at our Esau.  He is a beautiful red color.  And Jacob, is fairer, more blonde than red.

“They like their names.  Watch.  Jacob!”  The lighter colored ox turned his head and looked at her.

“When did this happen?” Slade shook his head.

“Oh, in between times.  I gave them old cornbread with salt on it and scratched their heads with rough sticks and told them what good oxen they were.”  She walked over to the oxen and slapped their necks.

“I’m pretty sure I can walk beside them as well as you can.”

Slade stepped up onto their wagon.  “Lead on, madam wife.”  He waved his hand toward the track that led across the emptiness. 

“Get up, Jacob!  Let’s go Esau, Get up!”  And the oxen moved out calmly, straightening the big wagon.  “Haw up, boys!”  Ellen called and the oxen obediently moved to their left and intersected the track.

 “Where did you learn that?  Eli called to her.  “You might want to carry the whip to keep them going straight. They tend to veer off one way or another.” 

“We’re fine,” she answered.  “I listened to you yesterday.  That’s where I learned to say ‘Haw.’  You just tend to your horses.”  She laughed at him and called to the oxen, stepping out ahead of them.  “Come along, boys.  I want to be home by dark.”  And the big animals actually picked up their pace slightly.

Slade flipped the reins on the horses’ backs.  “That woman never ceases to amaze me,” he told them.

A Sad and Lonely Camp, Chapter 36, Part 1

After a couple hours of travel, the dog began to peer toward the rock ridge to the north and whine anxiously.  After a while further he began to try and scramble out of the moving wagon.  Afraid that he might hurt himself in his weakness, Slade stopped the wagon.  The dog immediately jumped down.  He stumbled and fell but got up immediately and began walking as quickly as he could toward the ridge of rocks.   He would go a way and then stop to look back. It was evident that he wanted them to follow him.

Other than the clumps of sage that the tall wagon passed over easily, the open field was only slightly rougher than the road ruts they followed so Slade turned off the track to follow behind the dog.  As the rocks drew closer the dog turned slightly and began to parallel them; soon he turned into an gap. 

Slade was beginning to be suspicious of the dog’s leading so pulled the wagon into the rock opening and stopped the mules. 

“Wait here a minute while I go see what he wants.”  Before Ellen had a chance to respond he had jumped down and, with his rifle in one hand, ran after the dog. 

In a small wind shelter amid the rocks, he found a sturdy wagon and the remains of a camp fire. Beside the dead fire there was a body huddled in a pile of blankets.  As he moved closer he saw that it was the mummified remains of a woman who clutched a rifle to her chin. 

“What is it?” Ellen called from their wagon.

“Just a minute.  I’m still looking.”  He gazed around the rocks.  Off to one side there was a long pile of smaller rocks, obviously a grave.  There were cooking utensils and empty containers beside the fire.  Slade walked around the fire to the wagon.  He checked the inside of the wagon and the empty straps on the outside.  They were empty.  The boxes and barrels they had held were gone.

The desolate campsite told its own sad story.  The husband had evidently died through some mishap.  The woman, not knowing what to do or how close she was to help had held out until the food was gone and all the wood she could break up for fires was gone. Then she had taken her own life.  Her dog had guarded her body faithfully with no regard for finding his own food.  The ground was gouged and scratched around the body where he had evidently fought off predators.  There was an impression against the back of the woman’s body where he must have slept through the days and nights.  He stood there now, looking at Slade expectantly.

Slade walked back to their wagon.

“I suppose you had better come on in.  There’s no way around it.”  He quickly outlined what he had gathered from the pitiful camp. 

“We need to at least bury the body and decide what to do with the belongings.”

They made their way back to where the dog stood waiting. 

“I wonder when the man died,” Ellen said.

“I would guess at the beginning of winter.  People get fooled by the warm weather that comes off and on at the end of fall. They think they can make it some place or other.  I’d think these folks were heading for Albuquerque and got off lost.  Then the man died somehow and the woman was left alone.”  He shook his head.  “It’s sad.  We were just a little ways off.”

Tears welled in Ellen’s eyes.  “It could have been me,” she said.  “I must have come right by this way.  Only I had good range-saavy horses and God’s grace with me.

“Can we bury her beside her husband?”

Slade looked in the wagon, still bearing its heavy canvas cover and found a pick and shovel.  He took them to the husband’s grave and set to work digging a shallow grave in the rocky soil.  Then he wrapped the woman tightly in her blankets and carried her to the depression.  Once she was under ground they piled rocks over her burial place.

Ellen took a flat rock and with a broken fork engraved the little they knew: “Unknown couple. Died Winter 1888-89.”  Slade positioned it at the head of the two graves.

They stood briefly at the site and Slade asked the Lord’s grace on the two who had died so sadly.

The dog sat by quietly as they did all they could do for the woman.  When Slade replaced his hat and Ellen turned away, it stood up and shook its fur then walked after Ellen to lean against her leg. From that time it followed her where ever she went.

They started to look in the wagons to find some indication of the name of the people, but Slade soon pointed out that they shouldn’t waste time when they needed to be getting home themselves.  He picked up a pair of oxen yokes and straps from the ground and hung them over the wagon seat.  Perhaps he could come back later.

But when the dog saw him with the harness in his hands it sprang up and hurried into the rocks. Slade looked after him in surprise, but as they went about organizing the empty camp they heard him barking; then he appeared around the rocks herding two oxen and a milk cow ahead of him.

“Well, I’ll be switched!” Slade exclaimed.  “There must be a spring up there someplace!  He not only took care of the woman, he took care of the livestock, too! No wonder the dog was starving.  He didn’t have any time to hunt.  I guess he thinks we need to take the wagon along!”

Slade stood with his hands on his hips for a bit. “What do you think?” he asked Ellen. 

“It seems a shame to leave a good serviceable wagon here to rot to pieces when we have the means to take it with us. Except for the food, everything seems to be in it still.”  Ellen answered him.  “And there may be some indication in it of who this couple was.  I think we need to take it with us.  But how to do that is what I want to know.”

Slade stood thinking on the problem for a bit longer.  “I suppose I can drive the oxen, if you think you can drive the mules.  They do go pretty well, not like some mules.  The milk cow is probably used to being tied to the wagon and following along.

“Let’s get these few things packed up.  I’d better grease the wheels before we start.”  He peered in the back corner of the wagon and came out with a closed bucket of grease.  “If it’s set here all winter the wood is dried out.”

Ellen set to work collecting the skillet, Dutch oven and other cooking things scattered around the fire putting the utensils back into the box of the wagon.  Eli greased the wheels.

When he had the oxen hitched to the wagon, he walked to where their mules stood patiently in their harness before their own open wagon.  The horses too waited where they were tied behind.

“I think it might be a good idea to water our animals before we go on.  They didn’t have much last night. If there’s a decent spring in those rocks, it will just take a minute.  Let me go check.  I’ll hurry.”  He grabbed his rifle and hurried toward the rocks.  The dog saw him leave and ran to lead the way.  Ellen shivered and looked after them until they walked behind an upthrust of rock.

Slade found a small pool, badly trampled by the cattle but still holding an appreciable amount of water.  He thought there would be enough for their animals to have some each.  As he turned around and walked back to their camp he thought that with just a tiny bit of work he could clear the pool and widen it so it would hold water as it had before the oxen’s big feet had muddied it out of shape. 

He collected the mules and horses and, carrying the shovel from the covered wagon, led them back.  While they drank at the side he dug out the trampled rim of the pool and when they finished, he opened the deeper part of the pool, piling the mud up along the edge and leaving a low place for the water to run out and down through the rocks.   By spring there would be a cluster of green. He laid a couple flat rocks on either side of the opening.  On a sudden inspiration he scooped two small cottonwood slips out of the slope down hill from the pool and moved them to either side of the opening where they would help support the bank as the water ran out.

Then he brought his animals back to Ellen as she stood scratching the big oxen with a broken stick.  They seemed to enjoy the attention.

“Now,” he said to her.  “The animals should be set for water until we get home.  You climb up here and we will get started.  Just hold the reins and flip them over their back, clicking your tongue.  You’ve heard me do it. They will start moving.  When you want them to turn, just tug the reins on that side.  Easy.  They will probably follow along after the big wagon anyway.”  He grinned at her.

“I’ll do fine,” she said. “You just do your job.”

Then she teased, “You have a long way to walk.”

Slade waved at her.  “Wait till I get them turned and started back toward the trail before you start.  Oxen don’t move very fast.  The mules should be content to plod along in their wake.” 

“I love you!” He told her once more before he called to the oxen, snapping the long whip in the air.  The team leaned into the yoke and traces and the wagon, after sitting still for so long, creaked and rolled behind them.

Ellen watched him and then started the mules.  What a strange train they must make she thought, remembering the organized train of wagons and animals she had traveled with her parents in.  Their two wagons and mismatched sets of animals were strung among the sage and grass hummocks. And the huge dog ran back and forth between them until he was exhausted and Ellen called Slade to come and help him into the wagon with her. 

They had lost time with the burial and the teams and all the work at the lonely site, but once back on the rudimentary road they made decent time again.  In all actuality, the wagon the mules pulled was having more difficulty than the one with the oxen. Sometime during the day Ellen came up with the brilliant idea of transferring some of their wagon’s weight to the heavy covered wagon.  When they stopped for the evening, Slade was pleased with her idea.

They worked together to get the animals staked and hobbled and tied.  Then, while Ellen fixed their dinner, Slade moved some of the heavy bags and boxes to the emptier wagon.  The additional weight would make little difference to the oxen and removing it would be a big help to the horses and mules.  When he had about half of their load moved and distributed evenly he tied the canvas back down and closed the back of the covered wagon again.  The big black grizzled dog ran between Ellen and the wagons trying to keep track of everything that was happening.  He seemed happy to be relieved of his long vigil and gladly transferred his loyalty to Ellen. 

Slade came and sat beside her as she finished up the potatoes she had sliced into the skillet with slivers of ham she had taken from their stores as Slade had moved their supplies.  She had also gotten a dried chili.  The fragrance of the chopped chili in the potatoes was mouthwatering.  Ellen put the lid on the Dutch oven and sat beside Slade with her coffee cup to wait a few minutes while the potatoes finished cooking.  Slade slid closer and pulled her against his side.

The Slow Trip Home Chapter 36, Part 2

“Husband?  Where are you?  Am I a widow so soon?”  She laughed as she saw Slade bringing the mules over to the wagon.  He tied them to the back wheel and came to kiss her good morning.

“Hmmm.” He sighed.  “What a wonderful way to get up in the morning.”

“I would have wakened up earlier if someone has stopped to kiss me before he left.” Ellen told him.  He pulled her up and put the heavy knitted shirt and warm coat on her.  She shivered at the cold against her chin but Slade quickly buttoned her up and wrapped the long scarf around her head.

While he harnessed the mules Ellen fried a few more strips of bacon and then used some flour to thicken the grease and with milk and water make a bit of gravy.   When the harnessed mules were chomping on a bit of corn in feed bags and the horses were lipping their corn from the pan at the back of the wagon, Ellen and Slade shared the skillet of gravy and cornbread bits.  The hot coffee warmed them from the inside out..

After a quick rinse of the coffee pot and scrubbing of the skillet they were ready to go.  Slade helped Ellen to the wagon seat and handed her the remaining coffee in one cup.  He stepped up after stomping their fire into cold ashes.

“One more night on the road and we should be seeing home lands.  Poor horses!  Getting the mules was a good idea.  We can make better time by switching them off.

“But we’ll make it just fine.  More time to spend alone with you.”  He transferred the reins to one hand and hugged her close. 

“I cannot believe we are married!”  Ellen said into the warmth of his neck.  “For so long I was afraid of leaving you but not knowing why.  Then One Who Laughs forced me to realize why and I was afraid my feeling were all one sided!  How foolish we were!

Ánd now look!”  She squeezed him tightly.

TRAVEL WAS SLOW and cold that day. The end of March at the foot of the mountains was not nearly springtime. The scenery was beautiful and the road as smooth as could be expected.  The conversation was enthralling but nothing of interest to anyone except to the two engaging in it.

The sun sank below the rounded the hump of the ridge and descended into a valley.  The ruts of the road almost disappeared in the growth and the land appeared completely deserted.  There were no dwellings visible.  There was hardly a road or track across the emptiness.  Even the tracks of their journey a few days before were nearly too faint to be seen in the falling dark.  There was a row of ridges and harsh rock a ways to the north.

Slade pulled the horses to a stop.  They had traded places with the mules earlier in the day. 

“We are going to have to stop while it’s light enough to set up camp.  We might as well stop right here. I don’t see any reason for driving any farther or even going of the road to the rocks.  It won’t be any warmer there than here.  And the way they run, the wind will simply be funneled into our camp.  We’ll just stop here.”  He clicked the horses to the closest clear spot among the sagebrush and grasses. 

They set up camp with smooth teamwork.  Fire wood was scarce and Ellen had to search far and wide for pieces of sagebrush and dead branches.  Happily, Slade had stowed a few of the larger pieces remaining of last night’s supply in the back of the wagon.  He used his technique of tying the piece of canvas to the wagon wheels and staking the corners to the ground to provide a windbreak behind their bed.  The boxes with food and cooking supplies were put beside the fire and Ellen quickly set to work making them a hot supper of heated beans dumped over a few pieces of sizzling bacon.  The coffee smelled wonderful when it began to boil and she lifted it to the side of the fire to steep.

When the horses were staked and the mules hobbled, Slade and Ellen sat beside the fire to eat their supper.  A quick clean up and water for the animals let them snuggle into their blankets.  Before Slade had finished pulling the covers tightly around them, Ellen was asleep. 

The wind picked up during the night and Ellen awakened with a cold hand protruding from the covers.  When she moved it her eyes flew open wide.  It had touched something furry!  She peered intently through the gloom of the fires embers.  There was a huge animal stretched close to her.  She had touched its head. 

“Eli,” she whispered. “Don’t move too fast but wake up.  Wake up and look beside me.”

Slade jerked reflexively, pulling the gun from beside him, he sat up suddenly.

“No, no, no.”  Ellen exclaimed.  “I think it’s only a big dog. Wait.”  Very carefully she extended her hand far enough to rub her fingers over pointed ears and down the slope of its head. When she reached the nose a dry tongue came out in an attempt to lick her fingers.

“I think it is dying of thirst or hunger or something.  It found us just in time.

“Make up the fire.”  She rubbed the head and scratched behind the ears.  The big dog whined weakly. 

Slade piled a couple pieces of sage on the faint embers and a blaze sprang up.  By its light they could see that it was indeed a dog, a very large and shaggy, savage looking one but with trusting eyes. 

“I wonder if it needs water or food more,” Ellen said.  She pulled one of the blankets around her shoulders and used her coffee cup to scoop a little water from the bucket.  She trickled a thin stream into the side of the dog’s mouth and it licked thirstily at the moisture. 

“Give me the can of milk we used for coffee, will you?” she asked Slade. He poured the milk into a bit of water and Ellen scooted close enough to take the dog’s head into her lap.  She lifted the head a little and again poured liquid into the dog’s mouth.  When most of the cup was gone the animal raised itself onto its chest and licked at the milk still in the cup.

Slade got another can of milk from the wagon and poured half of it into another half cup of water, reconstituting the condensed milk.  The dog lapped the milk as fast as it could. 

“Do you suppose if we put some cornbread in the milk, he would eat it?” He asked Ellen.

“It certainly won’t hurt to try,” she answered. 

The dog accepted their offering happily, but when he finished he seemed to run out of energy.  He stood weakly and curled himself into a ball facing the fire.  With a deep whuff trailed by a sigh, he went to sleep.

“Well would you look at that.” Slade said.  “It certainly is a tame animal, not at all wild.  And it knew to come to a wagon and camp fire for help.  Wonder where it came from.”

“I don’t know,” Ellen told him “but I’ve had enough of being a Good Samaritan tonight.  Right now I’m a cold Samaritan!  We can talk about it while we warm up.”  She looked at Slade who was in his shirt sleeves.

They huddled into their bed again.  “I wonder if it will still be here in the morning,” Slade muttered as they fell asleep.

When they woke up, the dog was some distance out from the wagon taking care of his morning toilet.  He made his way back to the fire when he heard them stirring.

Before Ellen could stand up, she was treated to a welcoming nuzzle and a quick slurp along her jaw. 

“Humph!” Slade said.  “I guess we know who rates in this family.”  But before he could say any more the dog came and braced its front legs against his waist to give him a friendly nuzzle under his chin.  Then it seemed to run out of energy and dropped back to the ground to curl on its side again.

Slade and Ellen pulled on shoes and coats against the chill.  Slade fixed the fire and went to care for the animals while Ellen set about preparing a quick meal.  She pulled the ashes from last night to the side and put some more small kindling on them.  Then she put the skillet on to heat.  While that heated, she sliced the bacon and filled the coffee pot. While the coffee water began to boil she put the bacon on to fry and extracted some tortillas from the box. 

By the time Slade returned with the horses and mules, she had wrapped slices of bacon in the tortillas and put two broken ones into the grease to soak in heating water.  She took her coffee cup and poured a bit of hot water into it and shaved a bit of soap in to wash the dog slobbers from it before she used it for coffee.

“We will have to think of something to feed the dog in,” she told Slade as though it were a foregone conclusion that they would be keeping him. 

“The best I can think of is that we will use the horse feed pan and let them eat from the tail gate of the wagon.”  Slade brought her the pan before he continued harnessing the mules to start their day as the wagon haulers. He put the feed bags on the mules in harness and dumped a scoop of corn and oats on the flat tail gate for the horses.  Then he and Ellen huddled together as they ate their breakfast.  The dog ate his meal greedily and then nosed at the water bucket.  Ellen refused to let him drink from their only bucket so she poured a bit of water in his pan.  He drank that as greedily as he had eaten his food.

They folded their bed and packed it away in the wagon; the piece of tarp was folded under their feet in the front of the wagon. The dog was already lying down again, looking worriedly at their preparations to leave.

“I don’t think it can follow us, Eli.  I think it is too weak.”  Ellen looked down at the dog from her seat on the wagon.

“Mmhmm.”  Slade said, “I suppose you would like for me to lift it into the wagon, wouldn’t you?”

Ellen looked at him hopefully.  Slade scooped the dog into his arms and boosted it onto the floor of the wagon seat in front of them. When he got in the dog was between him and Ellen.

“Now there is one thing I want to point out,” he said.  “This is my new wife, dog.  And I refuse to let you sit between us. So you’d better find a place to put yourself.”  Ellen giggled and patted the other side of her leg.  The dog cooperatively squeezed around her and curled under the seat.  Ellen hugged her husband’s arm and they set off once more

The Slow Trip Home Chapter 36 part 1

The slow miles rattled by under the horses plodding hooves.  After a few hours Slade stopped to rest them and transferred harness to the mules. The task required some adjusting of lengths on the harness so Ellen took advantage of the time to boil a quick pot of coffee and pull out some of the hardened cornbread to soak in it for a brief meal. 

They followed the worn ruts that led them west and slightly north from the Santa Fe road.  As evening drew on Slade began watching for a good place to stop for the night. Ellen however spent the time holding tightly to her new husband’s arm and enjoying the opportunity to be alone with him. 

Slade chose a grove of twisted pines as their evening camp.  He pulled the wagon behind the clump and staked the horses in the nearby grassy area.  The mules were hobbled and turned into the same area.  Since they were all animals that preferred living in herds, he doubted that the mules would wander far and the hobbles would prevent anything more than grazing.   The horses were used to being pegged out and he knew they would be quiet.

While he was caring for the stock, Ellen gathered a pile of broken branches as well as a couple larger pieces.  She swept the litter of pine needles and rubble aside in a wide circle and built a small fire in the center.   Slade took a small spade from the wagon and dug a trench around it.  They brought rocks and prepared a meal of fresh tortillas and fried bacon.  Ellen took time to stir up a batter of cornbread to bake in the Dutch oven throughout the evening.  In the morning they would have the remaining tortillas or some fresh cornbread for breakfast.  As the ashes accumulated from their camp fire Ellen scooped them under the oven and heaped them around the sides. She had acquired enough experience to judge the heat and the time necessary to bake the cornbread even on an open campfire. 

While Ellen finished their supper, Slade took his axe and divided the dried logs into manageable pieces to hold the fire over night.  Lacking the branches he’d used for their first camp, he tied a piece of canvas along the side of the wagon and staked it to the ground as a windbreak.  Their pallets were spread between that and the fire to provide a warm bed in the early spring cold.

As they ate their supper the familiar cold breeze swept down from the northwest.  Ellen shivered in her new dress with the shabby work skirt over top.

“I’ll have to change into warmer clothes,” she told Slade.  “This was not designed for travel or cold weather.”

“I’ll pull your box down,” Slade agreed.  “You can get what you need and then change as quickly as possible.  Those clothes are good for town wear, but traveling in the desert is not very comfortable for them.”  He stepped to the wagon seat and pulled the small chest down.

Ellen took Madeline’s heavier dress from the box and also the winter under shirt she had worn on their earlier trip.  She also found her heavy plain petticoat to put on under it.  That way she could put the pretty flounced and laced one away with the nice dress and shirtwaist and the woolen cape.

“Stand close to the fire here and I’ll hold a blanket between you and the wind while you change quick.  It won’t be like a warm bedroom but maybe you won’t freeze while you are doing it.”  Slade picked up the blanket and provided the windbreak he promised.

Ellen unbuttoned her pretty white shirt and the waist of the skirt.  As fast as she could she took the shirtwaist off then  pulled the undershirt and dress on over her head   When they were both on, she took off the burgundy colored skirt  and straighten everything out.  She shivered involuntarily in the wind and Slade wrapped both arms around her enfolding her with the blanket.

“Let’s take a minute here and enjoy the process,” he said and turned her around to kiss her until the shivers of cold turned to happy little tremors.  After long happy moments he loosed her and unwrapped the blanket.  She quickly raised her skirts and pulled on the long woolen underwear and the old petticoat.

“Here I brought this down too.”  He gave her the heavy knitted shirt that had once belonged to Senor Aguilar.  She took it gratefully and slid her arms into it.  Then she shook the good clothes free of any dust or dirt.  They were folded into the chest with the cape.

She shivered one more time and pulled on the heavy leather coat. “Brrr.  Now I feel more like myself.  And I’m certainly warmer!”

Slade poured a bit of water n the greasy skillet and set it over the coals.  He made them each one more cup of coffee, with generous scoops of sugar and dollops of milk.   While the water heated to clean the skillet, he sat on the ground and pulled Ellen into the curve of his body.  They stared into the fire and sipped their coffee, exchanging endearments. 

“Ellie, I want to give you something.” Slade said in a little while.  “If you don’t like it you can tell me, but I hope you will.”  He took the little box from his pocket. Ellen gasped when she saw it. 

Slade opened the box and took the tiny silver band of flowers from it.  “I think I was supposed to have this when I asked you to marry  me back on the porch in the cold, but I have it now.

“Ellen McPherson Aguilar, would you marry me again?” 

“You know I would, Eli Slade!”  and she held up her hand for him to push the ring on her finger.  It fit perfectly. 

Slade sighed in relief. “I was worried, it looked so small. But senor Montalvo said it would fit.  And he was right.” He cradled her back against his shoulder in the curve of his arm.  She lifted her face to be kissed.  Slade complied with overwhelming joy.

When Ellen’s head drooped against his shoulder, it took three calls to waken her.  Slade stood up and pulled her against his chest.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s put you to bed.”  He led her to the pallet he had prepared for them and, after removing the coat, tucked her in warmly.  He pulled off her shoes and folded the long skirts around her feet.

It was the work of only a few minutes to check on the horses, clean the skillet and remove the baked cornbread from the fire.  After thinking a bit he wrapped the fresh cornbread in the crumbly cloth from the hardened older cake.  He scrubbed the fragments from the oven and put it back on the wagon.

 Finally he was ready to bank the fire and crawl into the blankets between his bride and the canvas billowing in the cold wind.  This time they could camp burrowed close in the same bed sharing the warmth.  Slade had no need to worry she would be cold.  He gathered her into his arms.  Ellen turned and smiled in her sleep, sliding one arm up and around his neck.  He buried his face in the mass of loose hair.

Cold gray dawn shone behind the distant mountains before either was ready for it.  Ellen stretched and her arm slid into the cold space vacated minutes earlier by Slade.  She sat up clutching the blanket to her chest.

Gathering Cattle Chapter 10

When Slade returned to the house, the fragrance of fresh coffee filled the air.  Ellen was straightening the cupboard and setting cups on the table.  Her hesitant smile lightened the descending dusk for him.

“I’ve made us a little more coffee.  I thought it would be good after standing out there in the cold.”  She took the boiling pot from the stove and set it on the table. 

“Mmm. Sounds good.”  Slade hung his coat and stood his damp boots by the fire. 

“I have the barn pretty well organized for tomorrow,” he said, picking up an earlier train of thought.  “It shouldn’t take long to finish the chores and saddle the horse.  I want to be out of here early so I can get out to the cattle and back before dark.”

He pulled the chair away from the table and sat down behind his cup of coffee, wrapping cold hands around it.  “I’ll probably be up earlier than you are so don’t worry about any breakfast for me.  I’ll eat some cold cornbread and milk.”

“Oh goodness, no!  I’ll be sure you have something hot in your stomach before you go.  You’ll not take a piece of cornbread and leave! I’ll make some hot mush and heat a slice of meat at least.” She smiled at him as she sat down across from him. “Now exactly what direction are you going?”

“Hmmm?  And I suppose you’re going to come after me if I’m not back by dark, eh” He chuckled at the thought.

“I’m heading on out here from behind the house off to the north west. There’s a south facing canyon mouth opening up that way.  There should be a good sized bunch of cows there where the grass was grown up last summer; I kept them away from it all year so it would be there in the winter.  Some of those old range cows will know enough to paw down through the snow to the long grass.  There was a pool of water up there too.  I don’t know if it lasted through the cold snap.  I may have to bust up a place of open water.

“Then I’ll swing around to the east and make sure the cattle over that way didn’t wander away from the back meadows.

“If everything is clear and the cows are not too scattered I’ll push them into the grassy areas again and come on home. 

“Probably by dark sometime.”  He sketched an invisible map on the table with his finger.

“There’s water here? In the meadow area?”  she asked

“Yes, it was a pretty deep run off pond.” He told her.  “Some of it may have frozen but the deeper end should be clear.  I’ll take the axe along to bust through any ice.”

Slade stood up and retrieved the gun from its place near the door.  “You decide where to put this that you will be able to lay hands on it quickly.  I don’t think you’ll need it but you’ll be more comfortable knowing where it is. And keep the shells handy too.  I’d say keep it loaded, but you aren’t familiar enough with handling it yet.  You’ll need to load it just before using it.”

Ellen picked up the shotgun from the table where he had laid it in front of her.  She turned slowly surveying the room. 

“I think here by the cupboard.” She stood the butt of the gun in the corner space between the cupboard and window.  “And I can keep the shells here above the dishes.  That way I can reach them both at the same time if I need them suddenly.”  She placed the gun and shells in the positions she’d indicated.

Then smiling at him she turned away from the window.  “Look how dark it has gotten since I learned to shoot.  I think I need to snuggle under my blanket and relax from all the excitement.”  She checked that their boots were close to the heat of the fire and shook the coats to be sure any dampness was exposed to the air.

Then she went to her chair and wiggled against the sheep skin.  “You can go back to your carving now if you’d like.” 

Slade chuckled and checked the beans now bubbling on the back of the stove.  He added a bit more coffee and water to the pot and left it on the stove too.  Supper would be ready after while.   He leaned back in his chair and crossing one ankle over his knee he began carving in a new block.  It looked rather like a figure in a chair.

True to her word, Ellen did fall asleep for a bit.  She slept well until Slade began dressing for the evening barn work.  It was full dark and the wind was picking up a bit more. 

“I am getting very lazy,” she told him.  “I promise I’ll have supper ready when you come back in… “

Slade picked up the buckets and went out.  Ellen stirred the beans and then went to the pantry and unwrapped her bundles from her old home on the table there.  The papers and other things she took out to the little desk table under the book shelves.  Then she placed the cooked meat on the shelves beside what Eli already had.  What she had been looking for was the pile of tortillas.  These she unwrapped, removing five of them and rewrapping the others.   When they were on the shelf beside the meat, she went back to the main room with the five.

There she took a cloth from Slade’s supply and wrapped the tortillas.  She scooped the last two pieces of cornbread from the spider and scrubbed it clean.  Then she put the wrapped tortillas in it and put the lid on, leaving the droplets of water on the sides and bottom.  She carried the spider to the fireplace and set it in close among the ashes. The tortillas would warm soon

Sorting through the things on the lower shelves of the open cupboard she found several onions.  She took the smallest and chopped it finely to put in the beans.  They had cooked well and were soft.  In  moments they would be ready to eat. 

She cleared the cupboard work area off and got a clean crock for the evening’s milk.  She wondered vaguely what to do with the two crocks of milk already in the cooling water, but had no idea what that could be, but when Slade returned with the  milk she would be ready to strain it as she had seen him do in the morning. 

Slade opened the door coming back from the barn to find his coffee hot and waiting in his cup for him.  He had sipped it while Ellen strained the milk and put it in the cold water. He was pleasantly surprised by the warm tortillas and the onions in the beans.  Her voice was soft as spoke of the barn work and offered him his plate with the accompanying tortillas.  Fetcher lay in his place waiting for what he knew would be his share of the meal later on.

They had supper in companionable fatigue. In spite of her naps Ellen seemed to still be exhausted from her ordeal.  Slade’s mind was full of tomorrow’s work.  As though they were companions of long standing, they cleared the table together and put things in their place.  Ellen began washing the dishes and Slade brought in several arms full of wood piling it not only in the wood box, but placing a sizable pile to the side of the fireplace.  Without asking, Ellen understood that the extra supply was being laid in for her to have tomorrow.

Using one of the bath towels from the night before, Ellen washed her face and hands.  Then turning to Slade as he came in from his last trip for wood, she told him, “I know I’ve slept most of the day, but I think I’ll go to bed.  I’m still so tired I can hardly think.  So, good night, Mr. Slade.”

She turned and climbed the ladder to her bed.

Slade banked the fires and refilled the coffee pot to have it ready for morning; then he moved a lamp to the corner of the cupboard beside the bed to read his Bible for a few minutes before sliding into bed.

It wasn’t yet daylight or even gray pre-dawn when Ellen heard soft rustlings below her bed.   She knew that Slade must be up preparing for his long day.  She hurried to comb out her tangled hair and twist it into some kind of order without taking time to make her usual tight braid.  Then she put on her dress and wrapped the big shawl around her in defense of the early morning chill.

Slade had gone out to the barn when she reached the bottom of the ladder.

The water in the coffee pot was coming to a boil. Ellen dipped warm water from the reservoir beside the fireplace and put a pot on the hot stove to boil for mush.  She quickly ground a couple scoops of coffee beans and dumped them into the boiling coffee pot, leaving it for a few moments as she took several pieces of roasted meat from the supply in her bundle and brought it to the table with the skillet.  She moved the boiling coffee from the direct heat to place the skillet over the coals in the stove.  

While the meat warmed in the skillet Ellen retrieved the plate of tortillas from the shelf and laid one over the cooking meat.  As soon as it was warmed through she rolled it in a cloth doing the same with another and another.  She turned the meat then sprinkled cornmeal slowly into the boiling water as she stirred it smooth.  With a little salt and added molasses the hot mush would be ready to eat when Slade returned from the barn.

 After rolling slices of meat in the heated tortillas Ellen wrapped them together in the cloth.  She brought one of the canteens from the pantry and rinsed it in hot water before she filled it with hot milky coffee sweetened the way she had already noticed Slade liked it.  The food and coffee might cool during his ride, but Slade would at least have something to keep him going through the long day. 

The grounds from the empty coffee pot were quickly dumped in the ashes so it could be refilled with warm water.  By the time Slade returned from the barn, coffee was again steeping and his dish of hot mush was waiting for him. 

“I’ll take care of the milk,” Ellen told him.  “You sit down here a minute and eat.”  Matching action to words she took the milk bucket from him and went through the process of straining the milk and cleaning the cloth and bucket.  The fresh milk went into the cold tank in the pantry and Slade poured his from the pitcher on the table.  She placed a couple slices of warmed venison on a plate beside him.

Smiling, she said, “My mother used to say that porridge wasn’t enough for a man who was going to work all day.  They needed meat she said.  So eat this too.  It will keep you warm for a long while.” 

In between bites of hot mush and milk, Slade ate pieces of sliced venison.  He was savoring the last few sips of coffee when he realized she still had not set down to eat her breakfast.

“I’m sorry.” He told her, “I had too much on my mind.  I should have waited for you.”

“No, now don’t you mind,” she said.  “I was busy.  I made this to go with you.  You will need something to eat today.  It isn’t snowing, but I know it’s cold out there and the wind will probably start blowing again.

“Here, this should go under your coat.”  She gave him the blanket padded canteen full of hot coffee.  “It’s hot now and it will help keep you warm while you keep it warm.  And these are tortillas wrapped around some venison.  They will taste good in a few hours.  I don’t know where you can carry them.” 

She stretched to put the strap of the canteen over his head and situate it on his side.  Slade just grinned at her and went to get his coat and scarf. He slid the package of tortillas under his shirt before he buttoned the coat.

She followed him to hold the open door as he went out.  Turning back to face her, Slade felt at a loss.  There seemed to be something missing in that parting moment. His arms felt suddenly empty, but after an awkward silence, he simply said, “I’ll see you at dark.”  He mounted his horse and rode out.  Fetcher bounced after him in the darkness.

Ellen stood in the open doorway watching him out of sight.  She had stood this same way watching her father and husband out of sight.  Something within her shuddered in portent.  Surely he would return.

The cabin was terribly empty.  Ellen went around cleaning up this and that.  The mush was poured into a bowl and set in the store room.  The remaining slice of venison was wrapped in a tortilla and with a cup of sweet milky coffee she took it to the chair that she had begun to think of as hers.   She sat down and leaned back, putting her feet up on the stool.  The venison-filled tortilla was good as she slowly ate it with sips of coffee.  The day stretched before her and she wondered how she would get through it.  Her common sense told her Slade would return as he had evidently done many times before.  Her experiences of the last year taunted her with a different forecast.

When her coffee was gone, she reached behind her and pulled the quilt around to cover herself.  The quilt was warm, the sheepskin soft and the fire flickered.  The candle that had lighted the table fluttered out in a random draft and Ellen fell asleep.

Slade rode through the coming dawn wondering at the feelings he kept uncovering so unexpectedly.  He had known Ellen only four days and that was including this early morning, not yet a full day.  He could picture in his mind her way of moving and doing the common things of the day. The way she rinsed the milk cloths and took them to shake in the fresh air before hanging them to dry.  The way she twisted escaping locks of hair to tuck it under them rest.  The sure way she went about some chores and the hesitant way she looked up at him from under lowered lashes when she was unsure of what to do.  The glance stopped just short of being fearful.

He remembered her thoughtfulness in small ways-the coffee that was hot and steaming before his chair when he came in from cold work outside, the scoop of butter melting into his corn mush when she put it in front of him.  He had noticed the room that was suddenly brightened with her cleaning although he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what she had done.  They were small things, but they had lifted him out of the dogged resolve he had built to get through each day until Jacob returned.

And then Slade recalled her slight weight as he had caught her off the horse that first night.  He recalled her dependence on him that night and during her emotional storm when she was learning to shoot his gun.  She was an absolute contradiction in terms shifting from determination and hidden strength to dejection and frailty.  Surely it was not physical strength that had brought her through the storm fleeing from Viejo.  She made no effort to impose herself on him and yet he was becoming more and more attached to her small person. 

He shook his head and rearranged his thoughts to deal with the cattle and the work for the day, but before he ever saw a cow Ellen had reappeared in his mind’s eye.